On September 12, 2013 I wrote bit on how to protect yourself from spam callers, but in all honesty….they will STILL Ignore the Government “Do Not Call” registry. In fact, since our government is so underfunded and busy arguing over Obamacare….it shut down several weeks ago. But that’s another story.
How many times have you wanted to just GET REVENGE on a Telemarketer because they disturbed your favorite evening TV show, or family time, even dinner? Look I feel the same way. I remember as a teenager, some 25+ years ago, having dinner with my family, hoping my mom and dad haven’t heard or figured out what I have recently done to get in to trouble, then the phone rings….Telemarketer.
I remember my mom saying things like
- How about I call you during dinner?
- Uh huh, sure… okay it’s free, but if it’s such a great deal, why must I pay the postage?
- I am eating dinner, don’t call back….
And other various fun / sarcastic responses…. (she was good at them, since there was 5 kids)
So it reminded me…it’s time to help out others. Okay, I know, some of you telemarketers will be pissed that I am writing these, others will laugh and I hope you submit a few that you have heard. I have even done telemarketing in the past…AFTER those fun responses from my mom…I understand what I am NOT supposed to do with my life after that experience.
So let’s get down to it.
- When they call, say “Excuse me, someone’s at the door, I am interested in what you have to say, can you wait a moment so I can get rid of this rude person?” Put the phone down or on mute and go back to eating, cleaning or whatever you were doing. After 10-15 minutes, then hang up. If you hang up too quickly, many will call you right back.
- In this economy, people are looking for work, so make sure you ask the telemarketer where you can apply to work with them, most hang up immediately.
- When you realize it is a telemarketer, yell at your kid (pretend or otherwise) and tell them to put the knife or scissors down, do this a few times, get more scornful each time… then yell ‘OH MY GOD!’ and drop the phone. Come back in 5 minutes and hang up.
- A variation on that is start yelling at one child for cutting another child’s hair 😉
- A few years back, I remember going to a friends house, I thought they were rich because even though I knew they had 2 line service, I didn’t know they had 2 answering machines. Turns out they had one answering machine, broken, but the other was a tape recorder with loud music to place telemarketers on hold. You can probably do this with an mp3 player or your iPod now.
- You used to squawk out, “No Speak English” with a Spanish accent, but it seems everywhere people speak Spanish now and will switch languages in a heartbeat…. So get online, using Googles Translation or another tool, learn a simple phrase or two in Arabic, Farsi, Italian, Russian, or some other language…just keep repeating it. You could be saying I need to go to the bathroom, but they won’t know the difference and hang up.
- A simple one is tell them you just got your 3 day or quit notice, have no money for rent and must move unless they can send money.
- One of my favorites, especially if you are a soccer mom or dad, get a whistle from the local sporting goods store….you know the rest.
- If they are talking to you about money, tell them, “I am so glad you called, I just filed bankruptcy, how much can you send immediately.“
- Every once in a while, a long distance company will still call asking to switch to a friends and family plan, in a sad voice tell them, “I have no friends, will you be my friend?” there maybe a long pause or they may hang up, if not when they attempt to respond, start telling a story about your aunt Minnie.
- A variation on that would be to ask them for their number after you tell them you have no friends.
- Just keep saying “NO” in various pitches
- Around the holidays, carpet cleaning services call….Tell them, “I’m so glad you called, I have blood everywhere from a murder yesterday in my home, can I get an estimate?”
- And my favorite, “I’m eating dinner right now, can I have your number so I can call you back during your dinner time and when would that be.” They will either hang up or respond, “I don’t want you to call me.” Then yell back, “Now you know how I feel!”
There are so many ways to deal with telemarketers, so don’t get pissed off and slam the phone down, have fun with it, seek your telemarketer revenge with humor. You will notice your night will get better and you will have a favorite new story to share with your friends.
A mentor once told me, “Why let other people rent space in your head.” This applies to people you don’t like, who make you feel mad or upset or any other feeling you wish to blame on them to justify the way you feel.
Don’t let them in, you have humor, you’re a funny person, use your humor or sarcasm to have fun with them.
If you have a funny story, used humor to get even, tell me about it.
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