Living with pain daily, that you should have healed with changes your quality of life.

I wanted to make sure I pointed that out….”your quality of life”.  Let me tell you why….

In late July 2011, I was sitting at an on ramp waiting to go, two cars ahead of me, none behind….then I saw it in my rearview mirror, not a doubt in my mind a Truck hit me at such a speed I blacked out, my car totalled and my life changed.  My full story will be in another post, but for now, I wanted to set the stage, I wanted those to know what life is like who have not been in this situation or in an accident that leaves them in chronic pain.  The following is a letter I found…. I am not sure if I could have written it any better……

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img chronic back pain SkeletonHaving chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand …
… These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me…

Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don’t seem like much fun to be with, but I’m still me– stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time – I’d still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or any of those things. Please don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!” or “But you look so healthy!¨ I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting”, “walking”, “thinking”, “concentrating”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what chronic pain does to you.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It’s quite possible (for many, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!” or Oh, come on, I know you can do this!” If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are–to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don’t know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it¨ may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don’t you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, “You just need to push yourself more, try harder…” Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can’t always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. Lord knows that isn’t true. In all likelihood, if you’ve heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we’d know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It’s definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it’s probably because I am. It’s not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you – people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out… Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

I know that I have asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.

– AUTHOR UNKNOWN

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I certainly hope this makes sense to you, the reader, if you found yourself choke up a bit, it’s probably because you have been in pain for more than just a few days in the past, or you are the one in this state or you know of a close friend or relative who fits this story.

I have done two things and two things only to help keep my mind off of this.

The first is I spend a lot of time with my niece, it helps me forget the pain and the happiness it brings allows my body to release natural endorphins that act as pain blockers. The saying laughter is the best medicine, this is where it comes from.

The second is books.  Those that are motivational and inspirational, many I have received for free at seminars or private invite only meetings of life coaches and business entrepreneurs who have all had many failures, but kept up the inspiration to fuel the perspiration of creativity that drives their intended purpose.

Do these things work, sometimes, sometimes not… other times they remind me and therefore cause periods of deep depression of what I used to be able to do and the desire to do more in the physical realm.  The fear of possible pain, immediate or hours or days following come to mind quickly before ANY activity.  But I can’t be consumed with those thoughts, I live my life taking a calculated consciousness of the possible limitations I will face in any decision for any given activity, then I do it.

I always have a pill in my pocket, Lortab, Vicodin and/or Naproxen as in any activity might set off the pain, stopping me in my tracks and instantly cast in to depression watching everyone else as if it was an out of body experience.

In the near future I will share with you my search for relief, but if you are still reading this, please click the following link to read some tips on “How to Deal with People in Pain”.

[image: relievebackpainnow.com]

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William Burdine is a Relationship Marketer in person and cyberspace and a Real Estate Investor providing solutions for Internet Marketing Training & Real Estate Investor education as well as Website Consultations. Did you find the content in this post Helpful? IF you did, Please Share it with the Social Icons and LEAVE your Comments Below.Thank You.