What is loyalty today?
I am one of the last generations connected to family members and friends who worked 40 hours a week, for 40 years, only to retire on 40% of their income…… in a time where we are no longer on the Gold Standard (gone in ’72) and money is just printed. Inflation has gone up dramatically and that fixed income they are not getting can barely buy groceries.
So where was the loyalty to the employees of those large corporations?
What about the auto plants?
Today people are changing not just jobs, but careers an average of every 5-7 years, so clearly we can say there is NO LOYALTY in the Job Market.
[su_pullquote align=”right”]Loyalty the quality of being loyal to someone or something and/or a strong feeling of support or allegiance.[/su_pullquote]What about Loyalty in personal relationships? The statistics show, at least here in America a divorce rate of 50%
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
- The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
- In the 20-24 year old range 36.6% are women & 38.8% are men
- The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
- The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
So clearly there seems to be some issues with Loyalty in relationships and my first guess would be because of communication. Remember 70% of all communication is non-verbal, its about being seen. How do you see someone on a text or email? Sure you have Skype and Facetime, but is that truly part of that 70%? Every stick up your middle finger around the corner where someone you are talking about can’t see it?
What about Loyalty in the Family? Are your birth parents still married to each other? If so GREAT, but do they get along and are happy? Many kids end up very emotionally hurt because one or both of the parents decided it was time to separate. It doesn’t happen 100% of the time, but enough that there are crisis and psychology centers to help.
Do you have a half brother or sister? Maybe your mother or father got remarried and had a child, or the other brought their children in to the relationship? Not everyone can actually be the Brady Bunch.
These things I point out have a big footing in communication…. it started in your wedding vows to be Loyal to each other.
Many people have had the painful experience of having to choose loyalty between a popular group and their friends, that’s unfortunately the first lesson in what loyalty means and the start of distrust of the word and meaning of loyalty.
Let’s look at what the Boy Scout Law says about Loyalty
Loyal. He is loyal to all to whom loyalty is due, his Scout leader, his home and parents and country.
Loyal. A Scout is true to his family, Scout leaders, friends, school, and nation.
Loyal. A Scout is true to his family, friends, Scout leaders, school, nation, and world community. [reversed the order of “friends” and “Scout leaders”; added “and world community”]
Again I am in that 1972 to 1990 area, what I have learned in life is another definition of loyalty, a way of following a list in a specific order for loyalty. I have found and spoken to most people who are wildly successful and they have always listed life by the 5 F’s in this order.
You will meet some of the people I associate with throughout this website. I by no means am show boating or boasting, even being egotistical, I just wanted a better life and started to be loyal to my own desires to learn more about having that life. In other words, I discovered that my life requires a mentor.
A Personal Story of being Loyal
I was in a relationship with a woman who had 3 kids. All three had the same father, but the oldest was from his previous marriage and adopted by the family. The sad thing is, the father screwed up, he was a child molester and was sent away to prison. I came along a year or two later and fell in love with her and the kids. Everyone around me thought I was nuts, but they didn’t see what I saw, an amazing gift of life. We had ups and downs, but we communicated very well for several years, then something went awry and they left my life. My loyalty to them over the nearly 8 years was to go to all their soccer games, participate in school activities, stay at my job where my hours were very flexible just to be with my family. I was as loyal to them as anything or anyone could be.
But everything is not to be….if it were that relationship would still be. I do my best not to blame, shame or justify, but I do speculate. After several years have passed now, I can see the woman was still having issues with men, this turned in to becoming more controlling, which caused more tension. The newly drinking, smoking, eating out and lack of sleep did not help.
I have reached out to the kids and found them to be hostile and bitter, but I wanted to show that if they needed me, I am still there, loyal to their needs and not their wants. The oldest quickly moved out of the house after the separation and has been living a challenging life not in communication with the rest of the family.
It becomes clear that communication is a very large part of being loyal. Saying that you are loyal to something or someone is not enough, you must show it, but know when to stand your ground and not be walked on if the other wants to be loyal to you.
This is not me being bitter, it is the situation I was in and the lesson I have learned.
Relationships require communication before loyalty.
Loyalty will open communication for a better relationship.
What life circumstance brought to clear mind what loyal is for you?
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